Rough Gem
by dangerprawn
Summary: Ban is hurt when he uses his Jagon too many times. This is told from Ginji's point of view. He is not clueless, just easily amused. Not a stretch if you ask me. Ban X Ginji, Ginji X Ban.
1. I

A/N: I will be continuing this story as well as finishing Snake Charmer. Please don't get all up on me for maybe going outside of canon. Sadly, as far as I'm concerned the whole mystery about the and the true origins of Raitai and the Infinity Fortress and what actually happens to Ban when he over-uses his Jagon is actually pretty boring and not very well written. The real reason a lot of fan girls like GB isn't the plot but the unique, simple premise and the entertainment value of the relationships between the characters. So, I'm going to concentrate on that and not concentrate on the happenings in canon. Okay? Okay. We're good.

I have been in love before but, never so deeply or as strongly as I am now. Because, as childish as it may seem, Ban reminds me of the witch-princes that Teshimine used to tell me about in fairy tales. His arrogant voice and powerful hands hide a fair and gentle heart. He comes from a far away place that I cannot find on a map and he can speak a language I cannot understand. I am certain that his anger is some form of magic.

However, for a long time I was convinced that no matter how soft his intelligent, rough gem eyes grow when he looks at me that he would never love me the way that I wanted. Princes don't fall for lowly street urchins like me. Or so I thought. He is rebellious. He isn't like anyone else I know. He is always surprising me. So, he surprised me when he told me that it didn't matter to him that we are both boys.

It wasn't any surprise that I was surprised when he pushed me into the empty bathroom as we tiptoed down the broad hallway of the gigantic mansion. There was a masquerade ball going on downstairs for all of Tokyo's high society. I could hear the noise and music and laughter muffled through the quiet of the upstairs.

I stuttered nervously, "Ban-chan? This is a bathroom."

"Well, duh," he flipped off the lights and pressed me up against the cold tile wall.

"I don't think what we're looking for is in here," I couldn't help but wonder why he had to get himself all hot and bothered now of all times. I had been all ready to go earlier that day. But, had waved me aside, insisting that he wasn't interested because he wanted to read.

I could sense him smiling carnivorously though the dark as he ran his lecherous hands down my back, inside my jacket, "I know that but, how about a quickie for good luck? Lemme screw around with you for a little bit."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I argued. I looked listlessly away to indicate that I wasn't interested. But, he just pressed his little, sinuous self up against me and kissed me so hard that our teeth clicked. It was typical Ban. He wants what he wants when he wants it. Like a child, he doesn't take 'no' for an answer. He closed his eyes. I left mine cautiously open. He still didn't get the message. He was relentless.

We were there for work – not play. But, he has been getting more and more cocky as more and more jobs have been coming in. I think he is convinced that he really is invincible. He nuzzled my neck. His lips were warmer than usual. But, his strong hands were familiarly cold against my skin as he unclipped my cummerbund and un-tucked my shirt. I tried to fight him off with a last breathless whimper of, "But, this tux is a rental."

"Come on," he hissed against the sensitive spot where my neck meets my jaw. I shivered. He must have taken that as a sign of consent because he stopped trailing his fingers over my stomach and plunged his hand down the front of my trousers. I cried out loudly. He always teases me, tells me that I get this lost look in my eyes every time we do it – just like I'm a virgin or something.

He kissed my cheek. I could feel his lips curl into another smile, "Shut up, stupid. You'll get us caught."

He knelt. I helped him to unlatch my belt and tug my pants down my hips. My heart pounded with uneasy excitement. What we were doing was so stupid – stupid and dangerous, just like everything else Ban gets us into. I just knew somebody was going to walk in on us. So, I decided that if anybody saw us they were going to have to die – screw being the warrior of love and mercy.

His mouth was soft and warm and wet and he can do things with his tongue that I just can't wrap my head around. I bit my lip, buried one hand in my hair and one hand in his. He steadied my hips. I leaned bonelessly up against the wall. He wasn't building me up slowly and deliberately like he usually does, "Ah, Ban-chan. Feels real good, but…"

He didn't take the hint. I desperately balled my fist up in his hair to try to get him to slow down. He pulled my hips forward and sucked harder in response. I winced and swore then swore again when, after he bobbed his head a few more times, I gave in. Pleasure crackled and throbbed electrically over me and for a moment in time it was completely impossible for me to think straight.

My knees felt watery and weak. I collapsed in a puddle on the floor. Luckily there wasn't much of a mess to clean up. Ban stood over me shamelessly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You're pathetic," he remarked. As always, when he spoke to me there was the hint of a loving, yet sardonic, smile in his voice, "Put yourself back together. It's indecent, sitting there like that."

"You bastard," I accused for the third time in a row.

"I know. I know. I'm a bastard. But, you really need to get dressed," now that his little fit of passion was over he seemed nervous. He found my cummerbund for me in the dark and draped it goofily over my head as I tucked in my shirt. He smoothed his hair and left the room.

I followed him after a minute. We walked down the hallway in silence. His eyes shifted back and fourth and every once in a while he would open a door and look into the room. I just stayed toward the center of the hallway because the walls on either side were line with expensive looking glass vases. The last thing I wanted to do was break something.

But, just to break the silence I asked Ban, like I honestly didn't know, "What are we looking for again?"

"_Outrage!_ It's a board game where the object is to steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London." I didn't know what either of those things were but, I didn't interrupt. Ban's hair was plastered down over his head and his feet tread very quietly on the hardwood floor. "This one is from a special edition though. Only twenty were made. The pieces are scale replicas of the Crown Jewels made of 18 karat gold and embedded with real gems."

"That's kind of stupid," I mused out of boredom. Rich people always find ways to spend their money on the stupidest things. As more jobs have been coming in more often than not we aren't getting back things that are of any emotional value to the clients. I guess we should feel lucky for this. But, I think it is sort of sad. The recovery service is becoming a posh investment for the wealthy, like expensive handbags or fast cars. Some people are just hiring us to show off their affluence. Ban isn't complaining though. I guess this is what he was counting on from the start.

"Yeah," Ban agreed quietly next to me then dropped the line of conversation.

We turned a corner and began stealthy searching the next hallway. I started a new conversation, "Have you ever played?"

"Played? No. I read the box once." We came to another door and Ban put his hand up to quiet me before I could comment on how sad it is that he never had anyone to play board games with. Not that I know anything about playing board games. As a child I had never heard of such things. Ban whispered, "Listen."

He has good instincts and a good sense of direction. So, I put my ear to the door and listened, "I hear someone."

"More than one someone," he corrected.

I frowned, "Think this is it?"

He nodded I took a step back to prepare myself. He kicked the door down. We could have just opened it. But, he likes to be dramatic. He has to be a badass about everything he does. I blinked.

The room _was_ full of people – dangerous looking, startled looking people with guns pointed at the door, pointed at us. My hands instinctively rose above my head. I could feel myself smiling uncomfortably. Nobody spoke. I saw the board game sitting in the middle of the table. It looked like they had been in the middle of play.

If I have learned anything from this job it is that rich Yakuza types are weird and nasty. When they aren't threatening people for protection money or ruining people's lives with drugs or selling sex they usually have some strange, seemingly innocent hobby – like playing board games. If they weren't pointing guns at our heads I would have laughed. It was odd to see so many tough-looking grown men gathered around, upstairs at a party instead of downstairs mingling, playing a harmless game.

Still nobody spoke. I tried, "We're with the catering service."

"Yeah, the catering service," Ban lied. "We were just looking for the bathroom."

He started inching backwards to make a break for it. That excuse might have worked if Ban hadn't kicked down the door, as much as announcing our identities before we entered the room.

Someone growled, "Shut the fuck up, dumbass," and suddenly there was a bullet hole in the wall next to Ban's head.

I felt helpless with my hands in the air. The one thing that I am most afraid of is a loaded gun. I'm quick but, not quick enough to dodge bullets. I pleaded, "Ban-chan, make with the Evil Eye."

He glanced at me his hands were above his head too, "Ginji, I can't."

"I told you to shut the fuck up," another somebody roared.

A pistol cracked again and there was a horrible burning sting in my shoulder. The first thought that came to my head was, '_Well good thing we got insurance on these tuxedos because they aren't going to want it back with bloodstains.' _Then the pain hit me. That was the first I had ever been shot. It hurt more than people make it look like in the movies. I grabbed myself and tried not to cry out. They were serious. I knew that the next shot would be between my eyes. My heart was pounding. I quietly entreated, "Ban-chan."

And I was surprised when he replied, "You've got one minute. Grab the game and don't get any fucking blood on it, Gin," then collapsed to the floor.


	2. II

"I've got you pinned," Ban smiled ferociously down on me.

"Ban-chan, what umm… 're you doing?" I shifted uncomfortably.

He was straddling my hips, holding both of my hands together above my head with one of his. We were naked. My hair was matted with sweat. I was not quite out of breath.

"What's it look like I'm doing?"

I honestly had no idea. He rummaged around in the dresser next to the bed, pulled out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He lit, one-handed, drew contentedly and grinned at me all smoky.

"With your help – I'm fucking myself," he casually rolled his hips to illustrate this point.

"Oh," I sighed. It all made sense.

Something surprising about Ban-chan: he enjoys penetration. Something not-so- surprising about him: he is a kink with habits bordering both on voyeuristic and exhibitionist. He is a very, _very_ good lay.

He's like the ocean with his royal blue eyes: warm and gentle with an underlying power which is completely unstoppable. He tastes salty in a pleasant way. I always walk away tired, satisfied and with the smell of him in my nose. But, he doesn't smell like the ocean. He smells like Marlboros and, strangely, like pumpkin pie spices. I like it.

I thrust my hips incrementally, hoping that he wouldn't notice. Of course, he did. His grip tightened. I impatiently clenched my hands together and tried to relax. My heart was beating fast. It was somehow exciting to me to know that he could crush me with his hands as easily as he could hold me helpless or make love to me with them.

"Cool it," he drawled, put out his cigarette. "I'll move again when I'm good and ready."

It was hard. The bastard's a tease. I was drowning in him. It was so warm and wet and nice. It felt so good. The stillness killed me. But, of all the ways I could think of to die this would be the best way to go. I would gladly die in him, in his hands.

"Can I," I panted, "touch you, at least?"

He touched himself like he wanted me to watch and I did, "Nope."

His hips moved in a slow, wavelike motion. He always moves slowly, like the tide coming in – gentle but, unstoppable, holding me still and incrementally drowning me. I felt like I was about to be sucked out to sea. I had to concentrate not to lose myself, not to give in to him.

He made such a pretty picture. With perspiration weighing down his hair he looked very young, like he did when I first met him. I winced and turned my head. But, I couldn't tear my eyes away. His hips look small as they taper down from his wonderfully boyish shoulders. He's beautiful. I think that even the scars on his pale skin are beautiful.

"Ban-chan," I pleaded. I couldn't hold my own much longer. I went over the simple math I knew to distract myself from the urgent throb burning in me.

"Almost," he promised. He was close. I could see it. When he is just about to I can hear the slightest hint of a German accent in his already rough voice. Also, this is the only time that I ever hear him use the word 'please' and really mean it or call out to God, who he claims not to believe in. So, I know I must be doing something right.

But, the best part, and I mean the very best part, about watching him is the look he gets in his eyes: complete and overwhelming satisfaction. His normally stormy eyes become totally calm. It's lovely, really.

I didn't get to see any of that this time though. At the last moment he leaned forward so our cheeks pressed up together. I could smell him, salty, but clean, against my skin.

Miraculously, we both got off at the same time. The closeness only lasted a second though. He kissed me quickly on my speechless lips as he rolled off of me and retreated unceremoniously towards the bathroom. I was left in a puddle on the bed. Everything felt good, even the pressure of the air in the room against my hyper-sensitive body.

It took an unbelievable effort to roll over. By the time he came back I still hadn't recovered – or moved. He sat next to me, smoking again, limbs relaxed and accused me of being lazy.

I'm not lazy. I was just tired and hungry. It had to be around seven in the morning. I like to sleep. But, Ban wakes up at the crack of dawn and expects me to do the same. But, he wakes me up with sex. So, that's okay.

I was dying to know something though: "Ban-chan, why aren't you dead?"

He looked at me over his purple shades – because he was now wearing his purple shades and a pair of plaid boxers – like he thought I was stupid and growled dangerously, "What do you mean, 'Why aren't I dead?'"

"I mean… you know," I'm not afraid of his snarls. He is dangerous. But, he'll never really hurt me. I mean hurt me as in maul me. I have him tamed because I love him more than anything else in the world and that is his one weakness. He needs to known that someone cares about him.

He looked frustrated even though I knew he knew perfectly well what I wanted to know from him.

"No," he shook his stunning head belligerently. "I don't know."

I sat quietly for a moment considering if I should bother pursuing it. Obviously he was not in the mood to talk. I couldn't understand how anybody could be so grumpy after mind blowing sex. Maybe he just wanted to smoke and sleep. But, I couldn't sleep without knowing so I decided to clarify my question.

"You always told me that using the Evil Eye more than three times in ones day would hurt you really bad. You used it four times last night. Why hasn't anything happened to you yet?"

He looked for a moment like he was going to launch into some lengthy explanation, "Obviously, I'm invincible."

"No! Seriously!" I whined. He is a tease in more than one way. Sometimes I can't take it.

"I'm serious," he grinned his cockiest grin.

"Tell me," I pouted now.

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. He whispered into my hair, "No," in the strong, quiet voice he uses when he is determined to silence me. I dropped it. But, his attitude made me worry. He turned over and fell asleep. I couldn't, though. I couldn't help but feel that there was something wrong.


	3. III

Before I go any further I would like to clear something up about myself, specifically, how it came to be that a relatively average boy like me came to lead the most fearsome gang in underground Shinjuku. I do not have a split personality. Raitai is just what people call a very frightening part of me. I am one person. I always have been one person.

But, you see, I was a child who had seen far too much and grown up far too fast. I was lucky, though. Death never came for me like it came for my playmates. In fact, nothing bad ever happened to me.

That hurt. I wanted to know why. Why did I have to see death if it was not my fate, also, to die? Why did I have to carry around the lonely burden of so much pain? Who decided that I should bare witness to such suffering? No one could answer my questions, not even Teshimine. The only thing he could say was, "Because, Ginji, that is the way life is here in Mugenjou."

Hearing that hurt me even more. As I saw death upon death – piles and heaps of death, pain and misery – a dark, terrible place developed in me. I simply couldn't cope with sadness and resentment I felt. So, I put it away in the shadows of my mind where I would not have to look at it. Slowly the injustice built until I felt fit to explode. And, eventually, there just wasn't enough room left in me to hide all of that pain. Finally, I broke. I was holding the body of a young girl in my arms. Her name was Chien. I'll always remember that.

I'll always remember that first time. I couldn't resist the energy building in my young body. I am ashamed to say that it felt good to give in. It was good to feel all of that sad, helpless hurt turn into angry, destructive power. The release was overwhelming and instantaneous. Waves and waves of energy crashed through me until I felt that I was only a small part of something all-consuming, something instinctual and unstoppable. It was blissful to forget myself and become a machine whose sole purpose is to survive and nothing more.

However, I did not lose myself completely. More than anything I did not want to hurt anymore. And I remembered that I did not want to see my friends suffering. Because it hurts me more than anything else to see people suffer and to see people die. So, I was not all lost.

But, I thought that I could make everyone happy through the sheer force of my fierce will. I hid myself in those powerful, dark parts of myself until I became known as the Lightening Emperor. I killed all who opposed me. The duplicity of my actions killed me. It tore at my spirit and fed the inferno of my bitter power. Strip by strip I peeled away the flesh of my soul to feed that flame. I consumed myself until I was only the bare bones of a kind spirit and a slowly fading, still beating, broken heart.

Finally, I dominated Lower Town. There was peace. But, I was unhappy. And right when I was about to give myself up – right when I was about to squeeze my heart dry and crack my bones open to feed the greedy of flame Raitai the last of my blood and marrow – Ban came. And he told me something I, with all that was left of my injured soul, did not want to believe. He told me, as a casual observer, that what I was doing was not right.

He was just trying to provoke a fight. But, he knew my secret. He knew that I privately hated myself for all of the people I had killed to get my way and that threw me over the edge. I spat and crackled and raged and told him and everyone else to go away or be burned alive. I told him that he was wrong. He does not like to hear those words. So, we fought and he brought the wrath of the heavens down upon me.

When he was done I wanted, very badly, to die. And, at the time, I did not know if it was out of cruelty or kindness that he let me live. He was right, though. Since then I have never told him that he was wrong. Not only was I destroying myself to protect myself from pain but, in the long run, I was not helping those people. I was merely impressing my will upon them. I was not liberating them. So, I left.

When I left, I was no longer in control. I was no longer _Emperor._ But, I liked it that way. Dirty Shinjuku looked beautiful and polite compared to Mugenjou. I learned to live by the rules of a civilized world. Ban helped me by smacking me and saying things like: "You can't just spray paint here. It's the middle of the day and there is a cop right there." Or "Don't just gank that candy now, Ginji! People are watching." Or, this time it was a girl that smacked me. I was dumbfounded, "I know you have a thing for butts, but you can't just go around grabbing 'em without being prepared to get smacked, dumbass."

I'm more civilized now. I live in apartment and I have a job and a boyfriend. It's not normal. But, it's something. I forgot to mention that. We saved up enough money to get an apartment. It isn't anything much. There's one room with a tiny kitchen and a bathroom. The low table in the main room serves as both a bed stand and a dining room table. It's the only piece of furniture we have. We roll out our futons at night and put them away during the day.

But, we also have a cat, which Ban counts as furniture. He's a calico bobtail. Ban told me that he is a very valuable animal but, wouldn't explain why and smacked me when I asked him what happened to his tail. Ban says we got him from Paul who found him behind the Honky Tonk. Paul likes the cat. But, he is allergic. He doesn't have a name yet. We just call him 'cat.'

Ban says that the cat is good luck. The litter box is arranged in the bathroom so that it faces west because, apparently, that is good luck too. For someone who claims not to believe in anything, he sure is superstitious. Every time I hand him a knife he hands me money. We always have to have salt in the house. He obsesses over that. And, at the dinner table, if I pass him something, I have to put it down on the table before he will touch it. I can't just hand it to him.

Anyhow Ban was snuggling close to me and twitching like a dog does when it is having a good dream about chasing something. Ban likes snuggling even if he doesn't like to admit it. He charts a low body temperature and needs to be kept warm. Whenever he reads and I'm not around to lie next to him he sits with the cat, wrapped in a blanket, next to the radiator. Sometimes he'll complain, "Ginji! I want spoons," which is short for, 'Ginji! I want to nestle next to you so we fit together like two spoons."

He wasn't wearing a shirt. I was big spoon. He was little spoon. In other words, I was holding him. I concentrated and gathered a small bit of charge in my fingers then touched them to his chest so I could feel, in my hands, the electrical pulses that make the muscles of his heart contract. The pulse was warm even though his skin wasn't. It went 'buzz, buzz, pause, buzz, buzz, pause' in a steady rhythm against the pads of my fingers.

I shifted. Ban was leaning against my bad shoulder. Last night after we got home Ban was none too gentle when he was cleaning out my wound. He sat me on the kitchen counter and stood between my straddled legs while he picked stray bits of bullet out of me with a pair of tweezers from our first aid kit. I kept asking, between winces and gasps, "You collapsed. Right? I clearly remember seeing you fall to the floor. Did I just imagine that?"

He concentrated on my wound and wouldn't meet my eyes or answer my questions. Finally, he fished a chipped bit of my collar bone out and threw it into the sink as he told me to shut up. I held back tears and a cry of pain and decided that he was not in the mood. He doesn't answer questions when he's grumpy.

I glanced up at the clock. It was almost eight. That meant, I counted, ten hours since Ban had overused his Jagan and one until we were supposed to meet Hevn and the clients at the Honky Tonk. Ban would want a shower before we left.

I wiggled out from under him, "Ban-chan." I shook him sleepily, "Ban-chan, wake up."

But, he wouldn't wake up. He was bleeding from his nose, like people do when they sniff too much coke. I don't know how it was that I hadn't noticed.


	4. IV

I was scared. God, was I ever scared. But, something, somewhere in the part of me that grew up in the anarchist slums of underground Shinjuku, where people get disfigured in fights or overdose on drugs or come down with horrible diseases every day, kept me from panicking completely. I did what I needed to do, the only thing I could think to do. I called Maria.

She answered, "Diga me, Gin-chan."

I was still trying to wake Ban up, hoping that he was in a dead faint, not a coma, "Maria-san, we're in trouble and I think—"

She cut me off before I could explain with a knowing laugh, "Has my Ban been a bad boy?"

He opened his eyes like he had no idea where he was. I was relieved. I stammered, "Yeah, well, I guess you could say that."

"Don't worry, sweetie," she soothed from the other end of the line, "I'll be right over. Just stay calm and try not to touch him. But, keep him awake. Okay?"

She hung up. I got him a towel to catch the blood and tried to coax him into a sitting position. He wouldn't listen to me. I told him that if he didn't blood would clog up his airways and he would die. And I know because I've seen it happen before. Choking on your own body fluids is not a pleasant way to go.

I told him again. He still wouldn't move and I wasn't sure if it was because he was in pain or because he is belligerent or both. But, he really needed to sit up. So, I took him gently by the shoulders and pulled him upright. He made a terrible hurt sound somewhere between a whimper and a scream.

"God, Ginji," he was crying. I'd never seen him cry before. It was odd. The tears slid silently down his face. He made no sound except for labored breathing. There was no hint of tears in his voice, "Please don't touch me."

I let go of him, "I'm sorry."

He looked absolutely awful. He held his head in his hands as it hung between his legs and rocked slowly. He was shivering and sweating all at the same time, "S'okay."

"Are you going to be sick?" I asked, because if he was, I didn't know what I could do for him.

He shook his head in a way in which it appeared that it hurt him even to move and after a moment panted, "Ginji?"

"Yeah?" I leaned down close so I could hear him. I would do anything to help. I was desperate to make him feel better.

"Do me a favor," he paused. I wanted very badly to reach out and wipe the blood and tears off of his face. But, I knew it would only hurt him. "Put some clothes on and call Tits Magee. Tell her we're going to be late."

I nodded. It wasn't what I was expecting him to say. But, it was something to do other than wait around and worry. I called Hevn as I was pulling my shorts on and told her that we weren't going to make it. She wasn't happy. But, I apologized and she said that she understood. We hung up just as there was a knock at the door.

I was happily surprised that Maria made it over so fast. Honestly, she is quick for a woman closing in on one century of life. I don't at all understand how she does it. Anyhow, she swept energetically in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. She didn't seem worried at all. So, I relaxed a little bit. I just blushed and scratched the back of my head nervously and waited for her to do something.

Our place was a total mess, worse than the back seat of the Subaru. We don't usually have girls over. Besides, even though Ban says her figure is an illusion, her perk butt and her tiny waist and wild eyes and wild hair and the way her boobs bounce every which way when she moves seem pretty damn convincing to me. But, none of that mattered because Ban was gritting his teeth and breathing rapidly on the floor a few feet away.

She knelt in front of him, "Hello, my little Yaban."

"Maria," he was covering his eyes now, panting. "Don't call me that."

She talked to him like she was scolding a wayward child, "Did you use your Evil Eye four times yesterday?"

"What's it look like?" he spat.

"Now, Ban-chan," I encouraged. "She's trying to help you. So, cooperate and she'll make you feel better. Okay?"

She took his hands away from his face and held them. He couldn't seem to free himself from her grip even though she is small and he is much stronger than she is. The tears sprang quickly back into his eyes again. I stood there, startled.

This time the tears were in his voice, too, "Yes, for God's sake. Yes, I did."

She asked, "Now, why would you do such a stupid thing?"

He ground his teeth together so hard that I could hear them squeaking against each other and didn't meet her eyes. He was trembling all over like an animal injured to a point very near death. Tears dropped down and stained the towel in his lap between the big blotches of blood. I couldn't understand why Maria was causing Ban such appalling pain.

"Maria-san, what are you doing? Let go of him." She ignored me, "Can't you see you're hurting him?"

He gasped, "They hurt Ginji. I thought they'd kill him. I—" he hiccupped, "couldn't let that hap—" he hiccupped again, "happen."

"What happened to the other uses?"

"I," he sounded completely ashamed of himself, like the first thing he wanted to do when she let go of him was find a corner to hide away in, "wasted them."

"Maria-san," I sparked, "seriously."

She ignored me like she knew for a fact that I could never, in my right mind, hit a woman and she was right. She just continued, "Ban, what do you think your grandmother would say about this?"

"That," he sobbed now, just like a sad, injured desperate child. "I'm completely useless for being so stupid and hurting myself with the gift she gave me and more useless besides," he almost laughed and that was very, very frightening, "for being a faggot with no desire to continue our bloodline as is my duty as her grandson."

I was stunned. Maria went quiet for a moment, "You're sorry?"

"I'm sorry," he confessed.

She let go of his hands. He just held them where she left them, shivering and clenching and unclenching them as if surprised to be free. She fished something out of her bag – a small bottle, "Open up."

He just shot her a dirty look then curled in on himself like he was going to sick up, "Maria, I hate you so fucking much."

"You want this to be over, little Yaban?"

"Stop calling me that," his voice was muffled and tired as he held out his hand. He took the bottle from her outstretched fingers without touching her skin, uncorked it and swallowed with a wince, "Freaking vile."

It was over just like that. I could see his muscles relaxing. The pain melted out of his eyes. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. I was still nervous though, "Ban-chan?"

Maria reassured me, "Its okay. He's sleeping now. Have you had breakfast?"

"Can I," I was mad at her for hurting him, "touch him now? It won't hurt him anymore?"

"Go ahead," she stepped back.

I retreated to the bathroom to get some things to clean Ban up and by the time I reemerged Maria was in the kitchen making a lot of noise moving pots and pans around. I wiped all of the blood of his face then sat there looking at him sleep. His breathing was so even and measured that I was afraid it would slow to the point where it would stop altogether.

"Ginji, have you eaten today?" Maria called. I hadn't. But, I didn't feel like answering her. She had helped Ban. But, she had done a dreadful thing to him first and I couldn't understand why. I'd never seen him fall apart like that. She stuck her head out of the kitchen, "Don't be mad, Gin. Come here. I'll make you chocolate chip pancakes and explain something to you."

I glanced down at Ban. I was afraid to leave his side, "I don't know…"

"I know you have a sweet tooth, sweetheart," she laughed and when looked back at her she winked. "Come here. I'll tell you some things that you might like to know."


	5. V

My sweet tooth got the better of me. I paused for a moment, took three steps towards the kitchen, felt bad for leaving Ban where he was and turned back around. My stomach growled as I stood over him. He was pale. But, not the usual kind of pale, the clear skinned, porcelain pale that he usually is. He was pale in a pasty sick kind of way with a hint of green instead of a hint of blue in his cheeks.

"Ginji?" she called me again.

"What happened?" I wasn't angry anymore. I was just confused and worried. He wasn't looking so good.

She gave me the same answer that Ban gives me when he thinks he doesn't have the time to explain something to me so that I'll understand, "It's complicated." But, she didn't stop there like he does. She continued, "Come in here and I'll explain."

I didn't want to leave him alone. I dragged the palette he was sleeping on over to the open frame of the kitchen doorway. She gave me a funny look for doing this. I gave her a funny look right back. There were pots and pans flying all around the room chasing eggs and flour and baking soda and chocolate chips. They were forming themselves into breakfast without her even watching.

"You were saying?" I gave her my most charming, trusting 'I don't have the slightest idea what is going on here – but, I'll try to keep up' smile.

"Sit," she commanded. I sat next to the refrigerator. She sat in front of me. "Has Ban ever filled you in on how his evil eye works?"

I shook my head. He doesn't like to talk about that kind of stuff.

"Of course not. Because that would involve," she flicked her wrist and the stove turned itself on, "admitting that he is a witch."

"He always told me that it was because I'm too much of a bonehead to understand."

"I don't think so," she assured me. I wasn't watching her hands this time. But, out of the corner of my eye I understood that they moved and when I glanced over her shoulder the batter was made and the flour and other food items were putting themselves away. "He just doesn't have the patients to be a good teacher. I, however, do."

I nodded enthusiastically in agreement. She always describes things with pictures. I understand better that way. Ban says this is because I'm a visual learner. And she asks me a lot of questions so I can come to my own conclusions even though it takes more time than just telling me flat out.

"Do you know what a witch is, Ginji?"

I took a shot in the dark, "Someone who can use magic?"

"Sort of," she nodded. "But, that is too broad a definition. What is magic?"

I was dumbfounded, "I don't know."

She didn't just feed it to me, "Think about it. What's magical? What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say 'magic'? Don't be afraid to say whatever it is that you think. You have good instincts."

I thought about it. I thought about the word magic and the first thing that came to mind was 'sex.' I felt myself blushing and laughed nervously.

"Go on," she pushed.

"Well, uh…" my cheeks were burning. I scratched the back of my head and tried to think of a way to politely say that the way I felt when Ban-chan and I were very close to one another and kissing was magic. I thought that the little spark that ran between two people was magic, the pull people feel for one another when they are deeply in love or warmth people feel when they are around good friends. "The way I feel about Ban is magic. I think – maybe I'm wrong."

"Yes, you're almost exactly right." I didn't understand. She clarified, "Magic is spiritual energy like love or hate or fear or pride. But, most powerfully love. Witches are people who are born with the ability to capture this energy and channel it in different ways."

"OK!" I grinned excitedly, pleased with my triumph, then trialed off – it didn't make sense. I squinted and tried to work through what she might be getting at in my head, decided it was impossible and asked, "But, what does this have to do with Ban-chan?"

"Ban is a witch."

This was totally off-topic. But, I asked anyway, "Am _I_ a witch?" I can gather energy off people, whatever they don't use I can pick up and off of telephone wires and out of toasters and turn it into something else.

"No, you use electromagnetic waves. They're different." She directed me back to the subject at hand, "Anyway, Ban gathers this energy and directs it through people. That is what Ban does when he flashes the evil eye. He takes stored spiritual energy that he has gathered off of others and channels it through another person for one minute."

"So… how come…?" I was thinking so hard that I thought my brain was going to short-circuit and turn off.

"The energy he uses for the Jagan is energy he gathers off of other people – like you gather energy off of electric appliances. He can only gather enough energy from the people he meets every day to channel three sets of Jagon. If he is forced to use his Jagan four times in 24 hours there isn't anything left in him of what he has gathered. He must use his own spiritual energy – the energy of his life force – to fill the requirement of the spiritual energy needed to flash the evil eye. For you it would be like using a massive amount of electricity being in a place where you cannot gather anymore and without having eaten. Your body would eat itself alive to garner the amount of energy needed to make attacks. Even you wouldn't be able to take the stress."

"So… that's why he collapsed right after?"

"Probably," she shrugged. "And he probably tried to heal himself by making love to you pretty soon afterwards, too?"

I was speechless and felt myself blushing even more furiously than before, "Uh… well…"

"That's what I thought. Poor little Ban didn't know that it just doesn't work that way. Did he?"

"I guess not," I blushed now even more furiously than I had before. "He is going to be okay right?"

"Well," she grimaced and I did not like the look it gave to her face. It made her strangely young features strangely old. I didn't think that I would like the answer she was going to give me either. It seemed like an eternity before she gathered enough words to speak again.


	6. VI

Update! Update! I'm back. I'm going to finish this and I am going to continue working on Snake Charmer. Warning: there be spoilers about what happens to Ban if he over-uses the Evil Eye but not spoilers as to how this has anything to do with actual GB canon. Hope that makes sense.

Also, I'm looking for someone to beta-read an Akabane POV fic that will serve as transition into the final chapters of Snake Charmer. It is about what _really_ happened to Ginji when he kidnapped him. So, it is going to be decidedly NC-17 for violence. Any takers?

Enjoy! Please review.

- dangerprawn

* * *

"Ban should not still be here."

I was very confused, I felt my eyebrows wrinkling, "You mean he should be dead?"

"No," she shook her head. "No. He should have ceased to exist entirely – as in he should never have existed. He should not still be here and we should not still know that he was ever here."

My head hurt trying to imagine how that was even possible, "I don't think I understand."

"It is sort of like this: he ran out of the extra energy he gathers off of people. So, he used the energy that is his Ban – his mind, his body and his soul. Usually when witches do that – especially with powerful magic like the evil eye - it uses up so much of them that they simply cease to exist. Whatever magic they worked happens and then poof – they're gone completely from this universe. But, he's still here. I guess," she smiled something that did not look like a happy smile, "he figured out a way around it. He always was a genius for evading punishment."

This was all very worrying and very confusing. If I understood what she was saying correctly that meant that not only should Ban-chan be dead but, that I should not have all the happy memories of him, that I would still be Raitai. I always thought that death would be the worst possible fate any of my friends could suffer. But, to lose a friend and be deprived of all of the wonderful things they brought me while they were living? It was a horrible thing to think and it was no wonder Ban-chan never told me. I really wasn't sure that I needed to know.

"What's going to happen to him now?"

"Honestly," she leaned back in her chair and sighed, "I don't know, Ginji. I've never seen anything like it before." She seemed down for a moment. But, then sat up again and smiled brightly, "More likely than not he should be fine. He did, after all, survive the initial shock of it."

I had no idea what she meant by that but I had the feeling that was because she was leaving out something important. It annoyed me that witches are so damn secretive all the time about their magic. Well, Maria and Ban-chan, the only two witches I know are secretive. I don't understand what the big deal about it could be. Maybe all witches are born that way or else they have to be that way in order to be a witch.

She hurried on in her explanation, "From looking at him it seems like all he did was burn himself out. Which is good, I guess, because that's all I can really help him with. So, I treated him for that, the over-use of his magical energy."

"Was that what was happening to him with the bleeding and the hurting?" I interjected. "It looked sort of to me like he had over-dosed on something from the way he was acting."

"Yes, the opposite of that though," she corrected. "It works like this: what happened was, he used up such a massive amount of energy, very quickly so his body shut down the pathways by which he takes this energy in. It took so long for him to notice that something was wrong, I suppose, because his body was busy using up his reserve capacity. When he ran out he started going through withdraw. Someone with witch's blood needs magical energy to sustain themselves just like you need food."

"Okay." I tried to look like I understood. But I don't think I got all of it. She knew.

"Ban tripped the breaker switch in his system to the power supply that keeps him alive. He ran on emergency back-up batteries until they wore out. What I gave him basically reset him. Now, he's starting back up."

I didn't know what to say. I looked over at Ban-chan laying in the doorway. He was scowling in his sleep in a way that I could not tell if he was having a good dream or a bad dream.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Maria rise gracefully and the dishes floated over to the sink. I guess I hadn't even realized that I had eaten my meal because I was too concerned over Ban-chan to taste it. She touched my hand to get my attention. I tore my glance away from Ban-chan to look at her again.

"You really shouldn't worry about it too much. He used to short himself out all the time when he was a kid."

"Really?"

It was hard to imagine Ban-chan being anything other than perfect in his control over his abilities. But, I guess he had to start somewhere.

"Yeah, well, maybe not all the time. I think I remember him doing it once when he was 5 and again when he was 7. And I don't think it was ever as badly as this," she was gathering her bags and preparing to leave, "Don't tell him I told you that, though."

I walked with her down the short hallway that leads from the living area of our apartment to our door.

"Is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of him?"

"No," she replied. "Not really. Just keep a close eye on him, he's going to be weak and physically ill for a while. He'll probably sleep a lot. Try to make sure he doesn't use any magic for a while. And make sure his fever doesn't get out of hand. Try not to let him eat anything strange." Don't let him eat anything strange? What was that supposed to mean? "Also, he'll probably be a little moodier and testier than usual. But, that should only last for about a week."

Moodier? Testier? I tried to keep my jaw from dropping. I didn't know that was possible and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I opened the door for her.

"Oh," she started fishing around in her purse and handed me a little blank envelope. "Do me a favor and give that to him when he wakes up. Bye-bye, Ginji."

She stepped over the threshold and disappeared before the door even clicked shut.


End file.
